Don’t Kill Me

I can’t tell you if it is fate or coincidence that iTunes is playing Superman by REM while I sit here recording more thoughts about my surgery nor can I say if it really matters.

Hell the reality is it was minor surgery and assuming my surgeon shared accurate numbers with me the chances of my dying upon the table were less than one percent.

Still when you are a father and they ask you if you have an advanced directive you take a moment to consider what would happen if the unexpected and improbable happen.

“Mr. Wilner, do you have an advanced directive?”

“Yeah, don’t kill me, but should something screwy happen talk to the people on this list about what to do.”

****

A short time later a nurse walked me from the waiting room into a separate area where she had me change into a gown and sat me down upon a recliner.

It was a little disconcerting to sit there naked but for the wisp of the gown across from a woman who sat there weeping.

Every few moments her cellphone would ring and she would answer and in between the tears she would tell the person on the other side something.

Had she been speaking in English it would have been impossible for me not to have eavesdropped but she wasn’t and so I can’t tell you what it was that hurt her heart.

You’ll Wake Up In Texas

While my nurse continued to prep me for surgery she asked me if I was nervous about moving to Texas and I told her I wasn’t.

“I lived there before so this is like going home.”

She asked me to tell her about my promotion and wanted to know if I was a Cowboys fan.

I asked her what she thought of my surgeon and she said he did excellent work.

“You’ll wake up in Texas.”

I laughed and told her I hoped not because I had a bunch of things I have to take care of in California before I make the second move.

“I am pretty wired now. My blood pressure is probably going to be through the roof.”

She smiled and told me not to worry because it wasn’t significantly higher than most people who were about to have surgery.

I told her I had a long list of things I wanted to get done and hoped for a speedy recovery.

“Take advantage of this moment to relax, it is a good excuse to do nothing.”

An Excuse To Do Nothing

The thing about my excuse to do nothing is it has forced me to realize how long it has been since I have felt like I had time to just sit and be.

I can’t remember when that was.

Can’t remember when I last lay in a raft upon the water and just stared at the sky above.

Can’t remember when I turned off my head and just enjoyed the moment so I am trying to do so now.

Trying to just ignore the laundry list of what must get done and won’t because I am not supposed to push myself to do it now.

So I sit her actively reminding myself that this crazy adventure we call life has given me multiple gifts and that only a food would ignore this one.

Instead of racing around town doing things I’ll take this moment to write down a thought or two and think a bit about what exercises I’ll eventually do.

Think about how to take this body and rebuild the foundation and set it up for this next chapter.

Life is is a gift and I am grateful to receive it.