98 Things You Blame Upon A Flatulent Dog

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Neither of the boys in the picture above look like they did then anymore but the little guy has changed far more than I have.

That little Monster is far bigger than he was then but tonight he learned that his old man can still handle an average size teenager with one arm.

We had some father/son bonding time this evening that included sub sandwiches, pie for Pi day some good conversation and a healthy dose of wrestling.

Now he is almost asleep in his bedroom and I am left with a flatulent dog who has unleashed copious amount of biological weaponry upon me.

When the stench hit me I turned and looked at the fur beast and asked him why he opened the gates of Hell upon someone who feeds, plays and walks with him.

I swear he smiled and unloaded upon me again.

It was enough to make me threaten to grab a gallon of ice cream so that I could retaliate except he wouldn’t care.

Damn dog sticks his nose in the crap other dogs leave behind so my threat was useless. I couldn’t even use the time tested and proven line of “I don’t make threats, I make promises.”

98 Things You Blame Upon A Flatulent Dog

That is the kind of headline you probably don’t see every day but I can’t say whether it is more likely to make people read than another.

Sure I could give you the same old story you have heard a million times about why your headlines should tie into what your readers want to learn about.

I could talk about SEO and even turn this post into a discussion about whether it would be advantageous to have the top result on Google for dealing with a flatulent dog but that is not the point of this post.

It is well past when I wanted to go to sleep and 22 pounds of beast is releasing something so foul it would make a toilet beg for mercy so you’ll forgive me if I play with this a bit.

In between the words you are reading here a cousin of mine in Israel and I are going back and forth on Facebook in a mix of English and Hebrew.

My Hebrew isn’t as good as it once was but thanks to the magic of Google Translate I think I am keeping up, or at least I hope to.

You never know if the translations come off as you hope they should so it is possible he is scratching his head and wondering what the hell I am saying.

That is probably a good reason not to play is straight on Google Translate and not try to make jokes, especially when some jokes fall flat when you are writing in your native tongue.

Still we are family and we have met each other a few times so I am hoping some of that familiarity will carry through.

If it doesn’t it will be ok because it is personal and not professional.

One Father’s Advice

Right before my son decided that tonight was a good night to see if is finally big enough to pin me we had another conversation about school.

There are about three months left in the school year and then his time in middle school will come to an end. Three months plus summer break is all he has left before he starts high school and has to be the new guy again.

He is more excited than nervous about starting a new school and that makes me happy. It is a clear sign of maturity and growth on his part but it didn’t stop him asking me for advice.

I  told him there wasn’t a point in worrying about school because we don’t know where he is going to be going yet and even if we did it is months away.

That’s too much time to waste on something that is unlikely to be a problem. After all he is not going to be the only new person, every freshman in school will be new and they’ll all get to start over together.

He has never had a problem making friends and I have no reason to believe he will this time either, but that hasn’t stopped me from thinking about one way to help him.

If I can figure out how to bottle this fur beast’s biological weapon I could send some to school with my son. If any one messed with him all he would have to do is open the  bottle and he could clear the room.

But then again if I could bottle this I’d contact our armed forces and offer to sell them bottles of it and in a short time I would be man who made a million bucks because of a flatulent dog.

It wouldn’t make the sexiest product to sell but it would make for some fun marketing.

And that my friends is the segue into how your friend Josh always listens for the sound of opportunity knocking.

Can’t say I hear opportunity there but I can say I hear my bed calling my name. It is time to end this silliness and try to grab fifty winks.

See you in the morning.

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4 Comments

  1. Vidya Sury March 15, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    I am glad you said 50 and not 40 winks because you sound like you need it. Gosh, Josh, what is it about flatulence that unleashes involuntary laughter! I remember we used to discuss marketing it when my friend’s three dogs got together as a force and let the world have it. Military use is the first thing that came to mind, see how patriotic we were!

    Your posts always make me laugh. Misleading title included!

  2. Larry March 15, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    I can’t tell you how much I love that title – hilarious! Genius!
    Back and forth w/the dog – you are a crazy dude!
    What was the subject of the conversation.

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